Yesterday was the Canadian Federal Election. I cast a ballot and the fellow that I voted for got into office by only a 500 vote lead, so I'm glad I contributed my little slice to the democratic process. This was the third time I've voted federally.

The first time was when I was 18, and I voted conservative. The next two times, my opinions had changed and so did my vote (one thing I can indeed thank George W. for, who I was a big fan of in my earlier days) but one thing has remained constant throughout.

Everytime I vote, it's incredibly anti-climactic and I come away from it thinking "THAT was it??"

Please allow me to explain. I fully understand the importance of voting and democracy and members of society actively participating in it. Essentially, if you don't vote when you're eligible, you have no right to complain about the government. Also a democracy is a fragile thing. Not participating in it, if this continues over time, can lead to a thug, tyrant, or complete and utter fool taking over.

However, thanks to an over-active imagination that's fueled with the latest and greatest in multi-media overexposure and a culture of instant gratification-on demand pay-per view live streaming entertainment.....

The act of voting itself is so.... uneventful.

Yesterday, it took me 15 minutes to vote. 7 minutes to walk from my workplace the to the nearby school that was my station. 1 minute to actually vote (no lineup, you get a piece of paper that you have to make an X next to a name with a pencil and drop it in a box) and 7 minutes to walk back to work.

I've had bowel movements that were more exciting. No joke. I can honestly say that I've taken dumps that were far more fraught with intrigue and suspense than what I experience in the act of voting....you know what I'm talking about... when you suddenly get that dropping sensation in your gut and a cold sweat breaks out on your forehead as you try desperately to calculate if you'll be able to make it to a toilet in time, and then the dreaded follow up question, what if it's in use by someone else? What will I do???!!!? And of course the thrill of victory when you make it to the porcelain altar and the joy of release, usually followed by primitive, jubillant grunting. Anywho.

The point is, the act of voting is very similar to most of the important things in life, which is that the important things are usually boring and non-eventful but entirely crucial. How many people get excited about doing their taxes? (I do, but I'm also a humourless jerk that no one really likes all that much to begin with anyway)

In Canada, voting's ridiculously easy. Elections Canada tries to hunt you down to make sure you're registered and you know where to vote and to bring ID. Even if you're homeless with no fixed address, there are reasonable and no-nonsense provisions that allow you to vote.

And yet, for all it's importance, and all it's ease, turnout this year was pretty low. There are approximately 23 million eligible voters and only 14 million voted, putting us at just around 60%  turnout. Such a critical, crucial act that almost 10 million people decided to avoid. Perhaps we need a new slogan to try and rouse folks to participate:

"Voting- easier than taking a dump!"

Since we live in an age of on-demand instant gratification and satiation of the senses, perhaps we need to liven things up the voting booth.

In short, we need to make it like the movies, because that's what people understand and relate to. Throw in a bit of pop-culture, and everyone will show up!

Just imagine- while on your way to the voting booth suddenly ninja's jump out and attack, which you must fend off in order to participate in democracy.

Perhaps go the Tom Clancy route, in which swarthy 'terrists' take over the voting station and the voters are provided with MP-5's and black ski masks with which they will mount a commando raid in order to defeat the evildoers.

Or maybe go the "whodunnit" mystery path in which the registration rolls have been stolen by a fellow voter-in-disguise and the voters have to band together and follow clues to find out who did it and where they hid them (extra points would be allotted for using "co-ercive" interrogation techniques)

Of course this would all be show, with hired actors just meant to scare folks and liven things up. Undoubtedly, some people would inevitably panick, go overboard and think it was the real deal but hey, gotta break some eggs if you want to make an omelette, right?

But enough about the tom-foolery of federal elections. I have a far more pressing engagement that I must go to now, that will be fraught with intrigue and suspense, a bit of agony and ultimately the thrill of victory... and good reading material will be present too!